News Roundup

In the news this week...

From Hollywood:

A cosmetic surgeon thinks botox injections are just the thing for smaller-breasted women who want a little boost without surgery. He injects the drug into muscles in the upper chest, causing the muscles to relax. As a result, the muscles in the upper back work harder. This causes better posture and it looks like the breasts have been lifted.

Apparently it's easier to pay $500.00 a pop for botox injections, than to learn to stand up straight. Once again Hollywood proves that it is fuelled by a mix of greed, vanity and total lack of common sense. I guess they've found an inexhaustible energy supply.

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From outer space:

An article in Nature suggests that an asteroid the size of Alaska may have slammed into Mars about 4.4 billion years ago. Some scientists believe this would explain the drastic geologic differences between the planet's northern and southern hemispheres. An MIT researcher pointed out that a similar impact on our planet at about the same time is credited with splitting the moon from the earth.

So, one day God was shooting some pool...

"Asteroid in the solar system banked off Mars into Earth leaving a moon in orbit."

Moral of the story - never bet against God in a game of billiards.

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From Montana:

A herd of about 130 bison escaped from their enclosure during a thunderstorm. The animals belonged to the St. Labre Indian School, where they were raised as food for the students.

The story took a sudden and dramatic twist when Pamela Anderson offered the bison political asylum in her back yard.

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From Australia:

A crocodile walked into a bar...

Sounds like the opener for a joke with a punch line containing the words, "That's cold-blooded!" Unfortunately I don't know that joke.

But a small crocodile really showed up at the Noonamah Tavern about 25 miles from Darwin, Australia. I think that's like saying 25 miles from the middle of nowhere.

Anyway, no one seems to be sure what the little guy was doing there. My theory...

"Just wanted to heft a pint to the memory of me old best mate, Steve-O. To hell with stingrays! Oy!"

I'll drink to that...

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And finally, from Germany:

A Colorado woman hiking in the Bavarian Alps slipped and fell from the path and landed on a ledge over 15 feet below. She badly bruised a leg and dislocated a shoulder in the fall. Unable to climb free, she spent the next 70 hours alone there. To signal for help, she tied her sports bra to a steel cable that passed near the ledge. The line is used to move timber down the mountain. When a worker started the machine, he saw the bra and sent rescuers up the mountain to rescue the stranded hiker.

Lucky for her she was in Germany. In America, she'd still be on the ledge and some guy would be sitting in a bar saying to his friends, "You'll never guess where I found this-here sports bra!"

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And that's my take on the obscure news of the week. See ya next time!