"Catapostrophic" Grammar

Im sorry. Its true, I am. Lot's of people say theyre sorry and dont mean it. Sometime's I say Im sorry when I dont mean it, but this time Im really sorry. Improper use of the apostrophe is one of my greatest pet peeve's.

Every apostrophe you see in the above paragraph is used incorrectly. And there are a lot of words that should have apostrophes but don't.

Many people can dramatically improve their writing skill just by learning the proper use of this little scribble. So, in case you care, here are the rules as I understand them:

1) Apostrophes are used for two purposes - to denote possession, and to mark an omitted letter. Apostrophes are never used to create a plural.

2) Possession:

a) When a word is singular and ends in a letter other than 's' - add 's to make it possessive. (Frank's chipmunk)

b) The rule is the same when a word is plural and ends in a letter other than 's' - add 's to make it possessive. (Women's chipmunks)

c) When a word is plural and ends in 's' - simply add an apostrophe at the end. (Chipmunks' acorns)

d) When a proper name (singular) ends in 's' - you have a choice. Add either 's or simply an apostrophe. (Francis's chipmunks or Francis' chipmunks) I believe the latter is generally preferred. Try both and see if your spellchecker has a preference.

3) Omitted letters - an apostrophe is used to show that a letter has been omitted from a word, as in a contraction or sometimes a colloquialism. (How's yer blazin' chipmunk burger instead of how is your blazing chipmunk steak)

4) It. It is the exception to the rules. It's not always easy to remember how it's supposed to work. Its existence is the bane of apostrophe lovers everywhere.

a) It's = It is. It's Portuguese chipmunks is the answer to the question, "What is the absurd subject of the previous post?"

b) Its = the possessive form of "It." Its Portuguese chipmunks is the answer to the question, "What did you steal from it?"

So, in conclusion, let me say this again - I'm sorry. It's true, I am. Lots of people say they're sorry and don't mean it. Sometimes I say I'm sorry when I don't mean it, but this time I'm really sorry. Improper use of the apostrophe is one of my greatest pet peeves.

Especially since I have no Portuguese chipmunks.