TGI Fried-News-Day

This has been a week of news stories with eerie connections. Coincidence? You be the judge!

1) As Flowers by HP Papadopoulous was opening for business, a robber held up the shopkeeper, claiming that he needed to feed his family. During the robbery, he also politely greeted his victim with a friendly "hello" and wished him a "good morning."

2) In a separate incident, a robber sent his elderly victim a bouquet of flowers to apologize for frightening her when he broke into her house.

I don't know - how separate are these incidents, really?
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1) South Dakota officials have charged American Indian activist Russell Means with fishing without a license. Means, in turn, filed a federal lawsuit in Rapid City, asking for a preliminary injunction. He argues that the charge is a violation of the 1851 Fort Laramie Treaty. Means states that under the treaty, the Sioux did not surrender their hunting and fishing privileges in western South Dakota.

2) "Joe the Plumber," of presidential debate fame, says that he doesn't have a plumbing license and doesn't need one.

Is he saying that his ancestors made a treaty in which they did not surrender their plumbing privileges?
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In environmental news, Arizona Game and Fish Department officials say that endangered Mount Graham red squirrels have declined by about 12 percent in the past year. The Associated Press reports:

The annual fall count of the tiny 8-ounce squirrel shows that just 263 are alive this year, give or take 11 animals. Last year's count turned up 299 animals, plus or minus 11.

I wonder if they are "plus or minus" the same 11 squirrels every year?
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A recent study suggests that individuals performing CPR can maintain close to the ideal number of chest compressions while listening to the tune, Stayin' Alive. This is because the rhythm of the song moves at about 103 beats per minute, very close to the 100 compressions per minute that experts recommend for CPR.

I don't know - maybe it's just me, but if someone is playing Stayin' Alive while they're trying to resuscitate you, does that really give you any incentive to live?
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A Florida man is suing a local strip club because he claims a performer's shoe flew off during a pole dance, shattering the mirrored ceiling. He says he was struck by falling glass (and the shoe), causing a laceration to his eyebrow, along with ongoing headaches and nose bleeds. He is seeking at least $15,000 in damages.

Yeah - I can just hear the exchange in that courtroom:

"The laceration I understand, Mr. Privette, but how do you explain the headaches and nosebleeds?"

"My wife keeps telling me that if I want a woman to hit me in the head with a shoe, I don't have to go to a strip club to get it. She says she's happy to provide that for me at home. Then she proves it."

"I see. And how did you arrive at this figure of $15,000.00 for damages?"

"Well, Your Honor, that's what my lawyer figures it'll cost to represent me in my divorce case."
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And finally, in more environmental news, the federal government has declared that the beluga whale in Alaska's Cook Inlet is endangered and will require additional protection to survive. Recent surveys show about 300 of the white whales living in Cook Inlet.

No sign of the 11 Mount Graham red squirrels...