Fried-News-Day

It's been a good news week...

AP reports a new inductee into the Toy Hall of Fame in Rochester, New York. The stick. Yes, the lowly stick. Curators praised its all-purpose, all-natural, no-cost qualities, along with its ability to serve either as raw material or an appendage transformed by a child's imagination.

On the whole I applaud the recognition finally given to the stick, although I must wonder how the stone will feel. Not to mention mud.

On the downside, I can see Congress passing legislation taxing all sticks, and requiring a warning label to be affixed to each stick advising of the potential dangers of playing with the stick. Additional legislation might restrict stick play to children above a certain, as yet undetermined, age.

California, of course, will be the first state in the nation to ban all sticks because of the inordinate number of injuries sustained by children playing with them.

Cheap knock-offs of sticks will crop up at swap meets everywhere. They will bear such labels as "Stik," "Ztick," "tickS," and so on.

I see an ecological catastrophe of global proportions brewing. First, the US will run out of domestic sticks. Congress will prohibit the harvesting of sticks in national parks. We'll start importing sticks from every nation on earth. Rich families will demand sticks made of rare woods. Forests will be stripped bare of sticks.

Children in poor nations will have no sticks, while their American counterparts will have five or six sticks apiece. Charities nationwide will mobilize to collect used sticks for distribution to needy children overseas who have no sticks of their own.

Thanks a lot, Toy Hall of Fame...
__________________________________________

AP also published a story with this headline - International Tongue Twister contest held Saturday.

I don't know if this is a good idea. Playing Twister with your tongue sounds really dangerous. What if someone steps on it?
__________________________________________

Again from AP - one Colorado senate race ended with Democrat incumbent Bob Bacon defeating Republican challenger Matt Fries.

Based upon the election results, at least three fast-food chains have moved to substitute bacon in place of fries in combo meals at all their Colorado locations.
__________________________________________

And yet another AP story tells that Galen Winchell, of Coweta County, Georgia, set fire to his home while cleaning cobwebs from exterior eaves with a blowtorch.

I guess if the only tool you have is a blow-torch, you tend to see every problem as a crack-pipe...
__________________________________________

Rumor has it that the November 5th Pick-3 Lottery results in Barack Obama's home state of Illinois came up 666.

Coincidence?

Hell, yes!

At least, I think so. But, we'll have to wait for analysis by the theological heavyweights of the righter-than-right extreme...
__________________________________________

And finally, a jogger near Prescott, Arizona was attacked by a rabid fox. The critter bit into her arm, and she ran a mile to her car with its teeth buried in her flesh. Once she arrived at her vehicle, she was able to pry open its jaws, wrap it in a sweat shirt and toss it into the trunk.

As if the rabies vaccination weren't bad enough, PETA members deluged her with paint in protest of her treatment of the fox. Not the part about wrapping it in a sweatshirt and throwing it in her trunk. What really made them angry was her choice of wearing real fox-fur on her arm while jogging back to her car.