Fried-News-Day

In political news, Barack Obama really wants to be the first US president to have a laptop computer on his desk in the Oval Office. This would, of course, be in contrast to Bill Clinton, who wanted to be the first US president to have a lap dance at his desk in the Oval Office. I'm sure Leno will make a similar joke, if he hasn't already...
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In news about old stuff...

Archaeologists say they found witch doctor skeleton
Nov. 18, 2008 01:40 PM Associated Press
JERUSALEM - Archaeologists believe a 12,000-year-old skeleton found in a grave containing 50 tortoise shells, a leopard pelvis, a cow tail and part of an eagle wing is the remains of a witch doctor. The skeleton was covered by several large stones, which may have been placed there to keep the witch doctor's spirit entombed.

I don't know - if her own tribe buried her in such a way as to try and keep her soul entombed, is it really a good idea to turn her loose?
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In news about really old stuff...

Nov. 19, 2008 11:25 AM Associated Press
WASHINGTON - Scientists for the first time have unraveled much of the genetic code of an extinct animal, the ice age's woolly mammoth... Crucial to the mammoth mapping are about 20 hairballs.

Did they find the hairballs in the stomachs of fossilized sabertooth cats?
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And, finally, in evolutionary dead-end news...

Naked man targets women in suburban Philadelphia
Nov. 19, 2008 12:02 PM Associated Press
BUCKINGHAM, Pa. - Police in suburban Philadelphia are looking for a man who has been taking off his clothes and approaching women.
Police in Buckingham Township in Bucks County say the man grabbed a woman who was out jogging on Monday afternoon and held her in a bear hug.

The bizarre mating ritual of the male Homo Stultificatus is generally credited with this species' endangered status.