Associated Press
SUMMIT, N.J. - Eleven guitars, worth more than $11,000, have been stolen in six separate burglaries in Summit, Roselle Park and Montclair.
No joke here. There is nothing funny about stealing a guitar.
And that pretty much puts a damper on any other news for the week...
Friday, January 30, 2009
Friday, January 23, 2009
Fried News Day
From the Washington Post:
Mexico City is launching a large-scale effort to clean up discarded chewing gum from its central historic district. The City has purchased special equipment to remove gum from the sidewalk, and plans to keep the area 100% clean, 24/7.
Lawmakers stopped short of outlawing chewing gum altogether, however, fearing that if gum is outlawed, only outlaws will have gum...
_______________________________________
From the Associated Press:
Two men survived 25 days adrift in an ice box after their fishing boat sank. The men told police they had been aboard a 30-foot wooden fishing boat that sank Dec. 23 with a total of 20 crew from Thailand and Myanmar (Burma).
The men immediately received offers to appear in commercial ads for Techni Ice, the manufacturer of the ice box, and several TV networks are said to be negotiating for the rights to produce a sitcom based upon their adventures. One network executive, who provided information based upon a guarantee of anonymity, hinted that the new show might be called Gilligan's Icebox. A competing production team is reportedly working on My Favorite Myanmartian.
_______________________________________
From the Associated Press:
Researchers believe they have solved the puzzle of three seemingly different fish, one all males, one all females and one all juveniles. Though their physical appearance varies immensely, DNA testing proves they're the same fish, called "whalefish." The remarkable changes they undergo as they mature led scientists to believe for many decades that they represented three separate but related species. Researchers say that in order to survive in the hostile environment of the ocean depths, the females develop a large mouth, while the males become basically a set of testes looking for the female.
Maybe they should have called them "Springbreakfish."
Mexico City is launching a large-scale effort to clean up discarded chewing gum from its central historic district. The City has purchased special equipment to remove gum from the sidewalk, and plans to keep the area 100% clean, 24/7.
Lawmakers stopped short of outlawing chewing gum altogether, however, fearing that if gum is outlawed, only outlaws will have gum...
_______________________________________
From the Associated Press:
Two men survived 25 days adrift in an ice box after their fishing boat sank. The men told police they had been aboard a 30-foot wooden fishing boat that sank Dec. 23 with a total of 20 crew from Thailand and Myanmar (Burma).
The men immediately received offers to appear in commercial ads for Techni Ice, the manufacturer of the ice box, and several TV networks are said to be negotiating for the rights to produce a sitcom based upon their adventures. One network executive, who provided information based upon a guarantee of anonymity, hinted that the new show might be called Gilligan's Icebox. A competing production team is reportedly working on My Favorite Myanmartian.
_______________________________________
From the Associated Press:
Researchers believe they have solved the puzzle of three seemingly different fish, one all males, one all females and one all juveniles. Though their physical appearance varies immensely, DNA testing proves they're the same fish, called "whalefish." The remarkable changes they undergo as they mature led scientists to believe for many decades that they represented three separate but related species. Researchers say that in order to survive in the hostile environment of the ocean depths, the females develop a large mouth, while the males become basically a set of testes looking for the female.
Maybe they should have called them "Springbreakfish."
Wednesday, January 21, 2009
How long can we put up with this?
Hey! Someone told me I used to have a blog, so I checked it out. It looks vaguely familiar...
Well, Barack Obama was sworn in yesterday as the 43rd man to hold the office of President of the United States. The media seem unable to make mention of this event without qualifying it as "historic." As though it would not have been "historic" for any other man to take the office. Really, isn't it pretty much a given that you will go down in history if you become President of the United States? However special it may be that a somewhat brown-skinned man is now the President, I'm not sure that it makes a great deal of sense to hysterically gasp, "historic," with every mention of his election, inauguration, and administration.
Besides that, this morning's gas prices had not declined a bit from yesterday's levels. What's he been doing all this time?
And don't even get me started on that whole "44 Americans have now taken the presidential oath" thing! Imagine - he actually forgot (or never knew) that Grover Cleveland served two nonconsecutive terms! This, of course, means that while Obama's is the 44th Presidential administration, he is only the 43rd person to be president. Perhaps Grover Cleveland's administrations were not sufficiently "historic" to capture the attention of Mr. Obama and/or his speechwriters.
Well, Barack Obama was sworn in yesterday as the 43rd man to hold the office of President of the United States. The media seem unable to make mention of this event without qualifying it as "historic." As though it would not have been "historic" for any other man to take the office. Really, isn't it pretty much a given that you will go down in history if you become President of the United States? However special it may be that a somewhat brown-skinned man is now the President, I'm not sure that it makes a great deal of sense to hysterically gasp, "historic," with every mention of his election, inauguration, and administration.
Besides that, this morning's gas prices had not declined a bit from yesterday's levels. What's he been doing all this time?
And don't even get me started on that whole "44 Americans have now taken the presidential oath" thing! Imagine - he actually forgot (or never knew) that Grover Cleveland served two nonconsecutive terms! This, of course, means that while Obama's is the 44th Presidential administration, he is only the 43rd person to be president. Perhaps Grover Cleveland's administrations were not sufficiently "historic" to capture the attention of Mr. Obama and/or his speechwriters.
I say we impeach him.
Wednesday, January 7, 2009
Strategies in Prayer
I dropped in for a visit to Psychovillage, and found that they're in the midst of an in-depth study on prayer. I sat down at my favorite restaurant for a Q&A with one of the teachers about his take on the subject:
Me: What do you call your seminar?
Teacher: I call it "Strategic Prayer Tactics."
Me: Sounds interesting. Tell me a little bit about it.
Teacher: It's a system I've developed over the years to increase the effectiveness of group prayer.
Me: So, it's specifically geared to public prayer?
Teacher: Not exactly. I think of public prayer as one person praying aloud in front of some sort of gathering. I define group prayer as several people gathered in a setting where everyone takes a turn to pray out loud on behalf of the group.
Me: OK, so tell me a little bit about your strategies and tactics.
Teacher: Well, it's pretty easy to be effective in a public setting. And of course you can do whatever you want when praying in private. But when it comes to praying in a group where everyone participates, there are some very important skills to learn.
When praying in a group, everyone wants to say the most powerful words, the ones that sound most spiritually in tune, most likely to produce results. Those are the prayers that stand out in people's memories. Those are the pleadings that stir the heart and inspire deep spiritual experiences.
Successful prayer strategies and tactics inspire a confident atmosphere of hope and expectation of God's work in response to the tenor of the words spoken in their proper place among the overall intercessory matrix established by the voices of the group.
To the untrained mind, the secret to effective group prayer appears deceptively simple - praying the strongest words of anyone in the group. But I have learned that the great secret is to be remembered as the one who prayed the strongest words. That can be as much a function of timing, and of delivery, as of content. And it is in that difference that my methods, carefully followed, will turn prayer bumpkins into spiritual warriors of intercessory eloquence.
For instance, let's say that you have the strongest, most spiritual-sounding words in mind to say. But what if someone else prays the same words before you do? Are you left to utter a limp, "I agree with Sister So-and-so?" I can teach you to anticipate this eventuality, and to launch your prayer at just the proper time so that it is someone else, not you, who must mumble these humiliating words.
Or, what if you have a fairly good prayer, but you think someone else probably has a better one? Are you doomed to the mediocrity of second place? Certainly not! Most untrained intercessors will leap at the chance to open with a very strong prayer. But slightly weaker words, uttered last among the group, will always be remembered as the best prayer of the day.
My method is a statistical and procedural formula developed over the course of many years' research and calculation. I can teach you to generate a prayer vocabulary of papal magnitude. You will learn to evaluate the competition, to know what you can expect from each member of the prayer group. And you will master the art of timing - of placing your words into the ethereal intercessory matrix at just the proper location. You will learn the art of holy vocalism - of speaking in hallowed, godly tones that clearly separate your prayers from everyday speech.
Me: I just have to interrupt at this point, Professor. Are you saying that the point of group prayer is to be remembered as the one who said the best lines?
Teacher: You would suggest some other goal?
Me: Oh, I don't know - how about seeking God's face, His will, His power? How about seeing Him work?
Teacher: Oh, me - oh, my - how utterly ... quaint! No one is interested in those things any more, my poor, deluded friend.
Me: If that's true, it's no wonder - with kooks like you running around.
Teacher: Oh, come, now! I didn't create this situation. It's what people have been doing for years. I simply make them better-equipped to accomplish their goals.
Well, I can see that you are not open to my methods. Not with your rustic and rusted old ideas about prayer! "Seeking God's face..." indeed! "Seeing Him work..." oh, my! I shall tell this story in seminars for years to come. It will be a great teaching tool. In fact, I'm booked for another class in just a few minutes. This is priceless! Perfect! I must take a moment so I can master your inflections when I recount our conversation.
(At this point he rose from the table and strutted toward the door. But, just before stepping outside, he turned and fired one last, scathing round in my direction)
You, sir, will never win at group prayer!
__________________________________________________
And with that he marched into the sunlight, still mumbling and chuckling to himself. I'll bet he was really surprised to find out that not only was his class canceled, but that he left the restaurant to find himself worlds away from the little village.
After all, what's the good of having a village in your own head if you can't deport surplus idiots from time to time?
Nevertheless, something in his words haunts me. His description of the group prayer game might just be uncomfortably close to truth...
Me: What do you call your seminar?
Teacher: I call it "Strategic Prayer Tactics."
Me: Sounds interesting. Tell me a little bit about it.
Teacher: It's a system I've developed over the years to increase the effectiveness of group prayer.
Me: So, it's specifically geared to public prayer?
Teacher: Not exactly. I think of public prayer as one person praying aloud in front of some sort of gathering. I define group prayer as several people gathered in a setting where everyone takes a turn to pray out loud on behalf of the group.
Me: OK, so tell me a little bit about your strategies and tactics.
Teacher: Well, it's pretty easy to be effective in a public setting. And of course you can do whatever you want when praying in private. But when it comes to praying in a group where everyone participates, there are some very important skills to learn.
When praying in a group, everyone wants to say the most powerful words, the ones that sound most spiritually in tune, most likely to produce results. Those are the prayers that stand out in people's memories. Those are the pleadings that stir the heart and inspire deep spiritual experiences.
Successful prayer strategies and tactics inspire a confident atmosphere of hope and expectation of God's work in response to the tenor of the words spoken in their proper place among the overall intercessory matrix established by the voices of the group.
To the untrained mind, the secret to effective group prayer appears deceptively simple - praying the strongest words of anyone in the group. But I have learned that the great secret is to be remembered as the one who prayed the strongest words. That can be as much a function of timing, and of delivery, as of content. And it is in that difference that my methods, carefully followed, will turn prayer bumpkins into spiritual warriors of intercessory eloquence.
For instance, let's say that you have the strongest, most spiritual-sounding words in mind to say. But what if someone else prays the same words before you do? Are you left to utter a limp, "I agree with Sister So-and-so?" I can teach you to anticipate this eventuality, and to launch your prayer at just the proper time so that it is someone else, not you, who must mumble these humiliating words.
Or, what if you have a fairly good prayer, but you think someone else probably has a better one? Are you doomed to the mediocrity of second place? Certainly not! Most untrained intercessors will leap at the chance to open with a very strong prayer. But slightly weaker words, uttered last among the group, will always be remembered as the best prayer of the day.
My method is a statistical and procedural formula developed over the course of many years' research and calculation. I can teach you to generate a prayer vocabulary of papal magnitude. You will learn to evaluate the competition, to know what you can expect from each member of the prayer group. And you will master the art of timing - of placing your words into the ethereal intercessory matrix at just the proper location. You will learn the art of holy vocalism - of speaking in hallowed, godly tones that clearly separate your prayers from everyday speech.
Me: I just have to interrupt at this point, Professor. Are you saying that the point of group prayer is to be remembered as the one who said the best lines?
Teacher: You would suggest some other goal?
Me: Oh, I don't know - how about seeking God's face, His will, His power? How about seeing Him work?
Teacher: Oh, me - oh, my - how utterly ... quaint! No one is interested in those things any more, my poor, deluded friend.
Me: If that's true, it's no wonder - with kooks like you running around.
Teacher: Oh, come, now! I didn't create this situation. It's what people have been doing for years. I simply make them better-equipped to accomplish their goals.
Well, I can see that you are not open to my methods. Not with your rustic and rusted old ideas about prayer! "Seeking God's face..." indeed! "Seeing Him work..." oh, my! I shall tell this story in seminars for years to come. It will be a great teaching tool. In fact, I'm booked for another class in just a few minutes. This is priceless! Perfect! I must take a moment so I can master your inflections when I recount our conversation.
(At this point he rose from the table and strutted toward the door. But, just before stepping outside, he turned and fired one last, scathing round in my direction)
You, sir, will never win at group prayer!
__________________________________________________
And with that he marched into the sunlight, still mumbling and chuckling to himself. I'll bet he was really surprised to find out that not only was his class canceled, but that he left the restaurant to find himself worlds away from the little village.
After all, what's the good of having a village in your own head if you can't deport surplus idiots from time to time?
Nevertheless, something in his words haunts me. His description of the group prayer game might just be uncomfortably close to truth...
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