Strategies in Prayer

I dropped in for a visit to Psychovillage, and found that they're in the midst of an in-depth study on prayer. I sat down at my favorite restaurant for a Q&A with one of the teachers about his take on the subject:

Me: What do you call your seminar?

Teacher: I call it "Strategic Prayer Tactics."

Me: Sounds interesting. Tell me a little bit about it.

Teacher: It's a system I've developed over the years to increase the effectiveness of group prayer.

Me: So, it's specifically geared to public prayer?

Teacher: Not exactly. I think of public prayer as one person praying aloud in front of some sort of gathering. I define group prayer as several people gathered in a setting where everyone takes a turn to pray out loud on behalf of the group.

Me: OK, so tell me a little bit about your strategies and tactics.

Teacher: Well, it's pretty easy to be effective in a public setting. And of course you can do whatever you want when praying in private. But when it comes to praying in a group where everyone participates, there are some very important skills to learn.

When praying in a group, everyone wants to say the most powerful words, the ones that sound most spiritually in tune, most likely to produce results. Those are the prayers that stand out in people's memories. Those are the pleadings that stir the heart and inspire deep spiritual experiences.

Successful prayer strategies and tactics inspire a confident atmosphere of hope and expectation of God's work in response to the tenor of the words spoken in their proper place among the overall intercessory matrix established by the voices of the group.

To the untrained mind, the secret to effective group prayer appears deceptively simple - praying the strongest words of anyone in the group. But I have learned that the great secret is to be remembered as the one who prayed the strongest words. That can be as much a function of timing, and of delivery, as of content. And it is in that difference that my methods, carefully followed, will turn prayer bumpkins into spiritual warriors of intercessory eloquence.

For instance, let's say that you have the strongest, most spiritual-sounding words in mind to say. But what if someone else prays the same words before you do? Are you left to utter a limp, "I agree with Sister So-and-so?" I can teach you to anticipate this eventuality, and to launch your prayer at just the proper time so that it is someone else, not you, who must mumble these humiliating words.

Or, what if you have a fairly good prayer, but you think someone else probably has a better one? Are you doomed to the mediocrity of second place? Certainly not! Most untrained intercessors will leap at the chance to open with a very strong prayer. But slightly weaker words, uttered last among the group, will always be remembered as the best prayer of the day.

My method is a statistical and procedural formula developed over the course of many years' research and calculation. I can teach you to generate a prayer vocabulary of papal magnitude. You will learn to evaluate the competition, to know what you can expect from each member of the prayer group. And you will master the art of timing - of placing your words into the ethereal intercessory matrix at just the proper location. You will learn the art of holy vocalism - of speaking in hallowed, godly tones that clearly separate your prayers from everyday speech.

Me: I just have to interrupt at this point, Professor. Are you saying that the point of group prayer is to be remembered as the one who said the best lines?

Teacher: You would suggest some other goal?

Me: Oh, I don't know - how about seeking God's face, His will, His power? How about seeing Him work?

Teacher: Oh, me - oh, my - how utterly ... quaint! No one is interested in those things any more, my poor, deluded friend.

Me: If that's true, it's no wonder - with kooks like you running around.

Teacher: Oh, come, now! I didn't create this situation. It's what people have been doing for years. I simply make them better-equipped to accomplish their goals.

Well, I can see that you are not open to my methods. Not with your rustic and rusted old ideas about prayer! "Seeking God's face..." indeed! "Seeing Him work..." oh, my! I shall tell this story in seminars for years to come. It will be a great teaching tool. In fact, I'm booked for another class in just a few minutes. This is priceless! Perfect! I must take a moment so I can master your inflections when I recount our conversation.

(At this point he rose from the table and strutted toward the door. But, just before stepping outside, he turned and fired one last, scathing round in my direction)

You, sir, will never win at group prayer!
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And with that he marched into the sunlight, still mumbling and chuckling to himself. I'll bet he was really surprised to find out that not only was his class canceled, but that he left the restaurant to find himself worlds away from the little village.

After all, what's the good of having a village in your own head if you can't deport surplus idiots from time to time?

Nevertheless, something in his words haunts me. His description of the group prayer game might just be uncomfortably close to truth...