Fried-News-Day

In archaeological news:

Mar. 23, 2009 12:08 PM
Associated Press

ATHENS, Greece - A Greek fisherman cast his net in the Aegean Sea, and instead of a load of fish, he hauled up a section of a 2,200-year-old bronze statue of a horseman.


"See, Agamemnon, if we take all the junk in your attic, and dump it right here, we can raise the level of the ocean."

"OK, Archimedes, let's start with this gods-awful statue of a guy on a horse. Are you sure we can raise the sea level and give our houses beachfront views?"

"Well, it worked in my bath tub..."

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In astronomical and interstellar relational news:

Mar. 24, 2009 12:00 AM
The Arizona Republic

A meteorite stolen in 1968 from Meteor Crater east of Flagstaff, Arizona has been returned unharmed. Just who took it and where it has been for the past 41 years remains a mystery.


The rulers of Glx!!clm**chlakh^^X immediately issued this statement:

We agree to cancel our planned destruction of your worthless little world now that you have found our missing citizen. However, until the kidnappers are apprehended, we will continue to blacklist Earth as an undesirable vacation destination. There are plenty of other planets where we can spend our hard-earned xnixdixth!!mnrkles...
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And in herpetological news:

Mar. 20, 2009 08:54 AM
Lisa Halverstadt - The Arizona Republic


A pet African spurred tortoise, weighing 75 pounds, escaped from its owners' yard and was found obstructing traffic in Surprise, Arizona.

The owners believe Hercules may have jumped their fence, or possibly rushed out a side gate that was left open for only a day or two...