Fried News Day

Yes! Back in spite of popular demand, it's Fried News Day!

Let's start with "Attack of the Killer Groundhog"
Associated Press
BOONTON, N.J. – Police in northern New Jersey needed pepper spray to thwart a groundhog on the attack. Boonton resident Alex Scott told police the rodent chased him when he entered his garage and tried to get his truck. Police Sgt. Mike Danyo and Officer Paul Ryan said the groundhog went on the attack when they arrived.
Police said Danyo tripped and fell. His partner sprayed pepper spray into the groundhog's face, giving the officers time to snare it.
The animal was euthanized and its remains will be shipped to the state health department for rabies testing.

Groundhog, groundhog, whatcha gonna do? A-whatcha gonna do when they come for you?

All suspects are innocent until proven guilty in a court of law. Unless euthanized first.
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Continuing the theme of "Rodent Uprising"
Associated Press
TUCSON - A rodent somehow found its way into a substation, and left 7,600 Tucson Electric customers without service Tuesday.


Coincidence? I hardly think so. Homeland Security definitely needs to launch an investigation into possible ties between this critter and the New Jersey groundhog. Sounds like terrorists are training rodents to attack American law enforcement personnel and infrastructure. We need to launch immediate countermeasures.
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And, speaking of counter-terrorism tactics
Donna Abu-Nasr - Associated Press
RIYADH, Saudi Arabia - Many in this ultra-conservative kingdom, where husbands and wives rarely even kiss in public, have been scandalized by a Saudi man who spoke frankly about sex on a satellite TV program, showing off erotic toys and fantasizing about joining the mile-high club.
More than 200 people have filed legal complaints against Mazen Abdul-Jawad, dubbed a "sex braggart" by the media, and many Saudis say he should be severely punished.
"His punishment should be as harsh as his sin," said lawyer Mohsen al-Awajy. "He has outraged everybody."
Abdul-Jawad was detained last Friday for questioning.

So, some Saudi goes on TV bragging about sex and the whole country rises up and throws him in jail. Some other Saudi goes on TV bragging about destroying America, and no one can even find him. I think the CIA needs to manufacture a video of Bin Laden talking about sex.
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And there you have it - all the news that really isn't worth mentioning without proper editorial commentary. Stay tuned for a politically-incorrect investigation into certain contributions to American language and culture, as well as the official Bishop etymology of the word, "manufacture."