Special Halloween Edition!
Vampires vows at Ohio wedding
Oct. 5, 2009 09:18 AM Associated Press
COLUMBIA STATION, Ohio - Sixty-one-year-old Jack Holsinger and 44-year-old Connie Spitznagel were both made up as pale-faced vampires for their scare-emoney Saturday night at a haunted house near Cleveland. The two chose the location because it's operated by the same people who own a campground where the couple met. Holsinger arrived in a coffin inside a hearse, and the coffin was carried to the altar by six pallbearers. Minister Greg Kopp was dressed as Jason in the "Friday the 13th" movies. After the vows were exchanged, he ordered Holsinger not to kiss his new bride but instead to bite her on the neck.
Those crazy kids! Let's check back in a couple of centuries and see if they're still together. Most of the undead I know really don't stay together any longer than that. Eventually they end up fighting over the silliest things - she sends him to pick up some takeout, and he brings home a type-O-positive waitress, when she wanted an A-negative male firefighter...
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1,725-pound pumpkin takes the prize in Ohio
Oct. 7, 2009 10:13 AM Associated Press
CANTON, Ohio - A teacher from Ohio has won top honors in a pumpkin-growing contest with a 1,725-pound behemoth that could land worldwide bragging rights.
Unfortunately, at midnight it turned back into a carriage.
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Lung stolen from exhibition of human cadavers
Oct. 6, 2009 06:34 PM Associated Press
LIMA, Peru - A traveling exhibition of human cadavers wants a stolen lung back. The left lung was taken in Peru from "Bodies: The Exhibition," which has traveled the globe displaying cadavers preserved through a process that replaces water in biological tissues with polymers. The organ disappeared from an area where visitors can touch preserved cadavers.
The thief, a priest for a secret society of modern-day Incas, has collected almost enough body parts to restore life to the mummy of the great Inca king, Atahualpa, who will rise from the dead to wreak revenge on the Spaniard invaders for kidnapping and killing him.
Coming to a theatre near you: Mummy 4 - Revenge of the Sun King!!!
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Woman gets $570K from ex in dough-mixer suit
Oct. 12, 2009 01:22 PM Associated Press
You can't really blame her for divorcing a guy who wears a dough-mixer suit.
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Police: 300-pound man in dress tries to steal rum
Oct. 16, 2009 10:19 AM Associated Press
SIOUX FALLS, S.D. – Police said a person believed to be a man disguised as a woman in a black dress tried to steal a bottle of rum and cola drinks from a local drug store. The store's loss prevention officer unsuccessfully tried to stop the person, who is described as about 20 years old, 6-foot-3-inches tall and weighing 300 pounds.
Buddy Holley said it best ... almost ... sort of ... :
Saturday night I was downtown
Working for the FBI
Sitting in a local drug store
Whiskey bottles piling high
A pair of 45's made me open my eyes
My temperature started to rise
She was a long cool woman in a black dress...
Oh, HELL, no!!!!
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Man walks from Texas to Wash. with 12-foot cross
Oct. 6, 2009 02:16 PM Associated Press
ABERDEEN, Wash. - A man walking from Texas to his hometown in Washington state has had a cross to bear for months. James Strickland says he's been dragging a 12-foot cross from Longview, Texas, to his Aberdeen home since May. He says he hopes to reconcile with the mother of his two children.
Sounds like a great idea for a song:
I'm walkin' up to Washington, in the sun and in the rain
'Cause I wanna trade this rugged cross for my old ball and chain
My old ball and chain...wooo-ooo...
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Church plans to burn Bibles, Christian books
Oct. 14, 2009 12:27 PM Associated Press
CANTON, N.C. - A North Carolina pastor says his church plans to burn Bibles and books by Christian authors on Halloween to light a fire under true believers. Pastor Marc Grizzard told Asheville TV station WLOS that the King James version of the Bible is the only one his small western North Carolina church follows. He says all other versions, such as the Living Bible, are "satanic" and "perversions" of God's word. On Halloween night, Grizzard and the 14 members of the Amazing Grace Baptist Church also will burn music and books by Christian authors, such as Billy Graham and Rick Warren.
The church's web site says that they will be serving barbecue chicken at the book-burning. I guess you have to give them credit for not wasting a good fire.
Friday, October 30, 2009
Monday, October 26, 2009
Conventional Wisdom
It's just a dead stick that used to be the flower stalk of an aloe vera. It neither promises future flowers, nor reminds anyone of past flowers. It's just a dead stick, white and brittle. It's been standing right there, in the middle of my garden, for more than half a year. Once it held up flaming orange candles of flowers. Now it's just a stick. A dead stick.
Conventional Wisdom cries out, "Cut it off! Throw it away! It serves no purpose!"
Anyone who ventures out onto the patio can - no, must - see it standing forlornly out there, across the little lawn, in front of the pool, in a rock-framed planting bed. Conventional Wisdom says that sheer laziness is the only reason to leave it there. It's a dead stick.
Conventional Wisdom so closely scrutinizes its garden calendar, so carefully studies its rules of landscape maintenance, that it only sees a dead stick that needs removal. And so, Conventional Wisdom never sees the dragonflies that frequently rest upon the tip of that spent flower stalk. The dead stick that becomes a throne for kings and queens of the air, garbed in irridescent armor. The dead stick that serves as a vantage point from which to spot prey. And predators.
Conventional Wisdom asserts that the dragonflies (the ones it has never seen) would find another place to rest if the dead stick were removed. Yes, they probably would.
But, because the dead stick stands in such a place of prominence, anyone who ventures out onto the patio can - no, must - occasionally consider these sparkling regents of the insect kingdom resting almost weightlessly on their dead-stick throne. Conventional Wisdom's plan would only allow us to catch a vague glimpse of them as, on gossamer wings, they pass over one garden that is free of dead sticks, searching for another that welcomes them with a simple luxury that invites them to rest their regal bodies.
In my garden, as in Conventional Wisdom's, dragonflies are as welcome as dead sticks. The question is, how warm is the welcome?
Conventional Wisdom cries out, "Cut it off! Throw it away! It serves no purpose!"
Anyone who ventures out onto the patio can - no, must - see it standing forlornly out there, across the little lawn, in front of the pool, in a rock-framed planting bed. Conventional Wisdom says that sheer laziness is the only reason to leave it there. It's a dead stick.
Conventional Wisdom so closely scrutinizes its garden calendar, so carefully studies its rules of landscape maintenance, that it only sees a dead stick that needs removal. And so, Conventional Wisdom never sees the dragonflies that frequently rest upon the tip of that spent flower stalk. The dead stick that becomes a throne for kings and queens of the air, garbed in irridescent armor. The dead stick that serves as a vantage point from which to spot prey. And predators.
Conventional Wisdom asserts that the dragonflies (the ones it has never seen) would find another place to rest if the dead stick were removed. Yes, they probably would.
But, because the dead stick stands in such a place of prominence, anyone who ventures out onto the patio can - no, must - occasionally consider these sparkling regents of the insect kingdom resting almost weightlessly on their dead-stick throne. Conventional Wisdom's plan would only allow us to catch a vague glimpse of them as, on gossamer wings, they pass over one garden that is free of dead sticks, searching for another that welcomes them with a simple luxury that invites them to rest their regal bodies.
In my garden, as in Conventional Wisdom's, dragonflies are as welcome as dead sticks. The question is, how warm is the welcome?
Tuesday, October 6, 2009
Star Wars Theology
I know I'm not the first to find (and share) gems of wisdom in the Star Wars trilogy, nor do I expect to be either the last, nor the best. But I do expect to be another...
In Star Wars: Episode III: Revenge of the Sith, Yoda gives this outstanding piece of advice to Anakin - "Train yourself to let go of the things that you fear to lose." What a powerful way to live that would be! What a shield against fear, jealousy, anger, resentment, and covetousness, just to name a few sins and temptations.
Because it is fear that drives Anakin Skywalker to turn to the dark side. Fear of losing his wife. And the very thing he fears comes to pass - because of the actions he takes that are prompted by those fears! What if he had simply lived by faith in his ability to survive loss? What if he refused to take on an impossible-to-fulfill level of responsibility for her well-being?
Fear is the root motivator for far too much "Christian" behavior. Fear of breaking God's rules. Fear that our children might end up believing something unbiblical. Fear that we will lose some blessing, or some person, or some thing! These kinds of fears prompt us to take actions that oftentimes bring about the very consequence we fear.
Sometimes, fear-prompted actions look very similar to love-prompted actions. And many times, they are quite alike - maybe separated by only a degree or so of variance. But that 1/360th of a circle, over time and distance, can land us in a very different place. One we thought we were going to avoid.
For instance, we can - and should - manage money well. We can do it out of fear of losing our money, or out of love for the One Who loaned it to us in the first place. The management principles are pretty similar, but the difference in motive will inevitably lead to choices that make divergent paths.
The same can be said of raising children, serving others, performing in our jobs, relating to our spouses, relating to our parents, relating to our siblings, etc.
Fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom. But perfect love casts out all (unproductive) fear. Love is by far the better motivator, the one that will take us successfully to the goal. Too often we focus on what we do, and pretend that is what proves our motives. Not so! We need, each and every one, to first be very sure of our motives - our "feelings," in Star Wars terms - and then move forward.
Is our motive in raising children to raise strong, successful adults, or is it the fear that we may not raise strong, successful, adults? Is our reason for working hard and long at our place of employment that we respect (a form of love) our employer, that we are thankful (a sign of love) to our God? Or is it that we are afraid of what will happen should we lose the job?
What is it that we are afraid to lose? As we each figure it out, maybe we can help each other in training to give those things up.
In Star Wars: Episode III: Revenge of the Sith, Yoda gives this outstanding piece of advice to Anakin - "Train yourself to let go of the things that you fear to lose." What a powerful way to live that would be! What a shield against fear, jealousy, anger, resentment, and covetousness, just to name a few sins and temptations.
Because it is fear that drives Anakin Skywalker to turn to the dark side. Fear of losing his wife. And the very thing he fears comes to pass - because of the actions he takes that are prompted by those fears! What if he had simply lived by faith in his ability to survive loss? What if he refused to take on an impossible-to-fulfill level of responsibility for her well-being?
Fear is the root motivator for far too much "Christian" behavior. Fear of breaking God's rules. Fear that our children might end up believing something unbiblical. Fear that we will lose some blessing, or some person, or some thing! These kinds of fears prompt us to take actions that oftentimes bring about the very consequence we fear.
Sometimes, fear-prompted actions look very similar to love-prompted actions. And many times, they are quite alike - maybe separated by only a degree or so of variance. But that 1/360th of a circle, over time and distance, can land us in a very different place. One we thought we were going to avoid.
For instance, we can - and should - manage money well. We can do it out of fear of losing our money, or out of love for the One Who loaned it to us in the first place. The management principles are pretty similar, but the difference in motive will inevitably lead to choices that make divergent paths.
The same can be said of raising children, serving others, performing in our jobs, relating to our spouses, relating to our parents, relating to our siblings, etc.
Fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom. But perfect love casts out all (unproductive) fear. Love is by far the better motivator, the one that will take us successfully to the goal. Too often we focus on what we do, and pretend that is what proves our motives. Not so! We need, each and every one, to first be very sure of our motives - our "feelings," in Star Wars terms - and then move forward.
Is our motive in raising children to raise strong, successful adults, or is it the fear that we may not raise strong, successful, adults? Is our reason for working hard and long at our place of employment that we respect (a form of love) our employer, that we are thankful (a sign of love) to our God? Or is it that we are afraid of what will happen should we lose the job?
What is it that we are afraid to lose? As we each figure it out, maybe we can help each other in training to give those things up.
Friday, October 2, 2009
Some Rattlingz and a small portion of Friednewsday
If you've watched Wednesday's epic movie, you may have noticed the dashing hat worn by the male lead. My brother, looking at the original photographs, commented, "I like your hat." I have to agree with his taste in headgear. It's my official adventure hat. Because an expedition is only as great as its best hat...
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There is a silent epidemic among us. Once called BBS (Bony Butt Syndrome), it has recently been given the more picturesque designation of "Assorexia." The juvenile version is called "Bunorexia." This malady prevents a person from gaining weight in their posterior, regardless of their overall size and fitness level. Oh, I know that many of you are saying, "Pffft! I'll take it!" Sounds great to have a small bum, eh? Just try sitting on the danged thing. Even cushioned chairs feel like granite boulders, and picnic benches become jagged ledges with razor-sharp spikes. And don't even get me started on trying to sit on the ground!
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This word is not in the dictionary, but I think it's a good one and should be added as soon as possible:
Procreastination {pro-kree-ass-ti-nay-shun} - the practice of putting off pregnancy and childbearing for a more opportune time.
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Endangered Ugandan gorillas join Facebook, MySpace
Sept. 27, 2009 02:57 PM
Associated Press
For a minimum donation of $1, fans can befriend a gorilla on Facebook or MySpace or follow it on Twitter. The money will be used to hire extra rangers to protect the gorillas and safeguard their habitat.
Sounds like a pretty good idea. However, their lesser-known relatives, the Nigerian gorillas, remain content to run e-mail scams aimed at defrauding Americans out of millions of bananas.
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There is a silent epidemic among us. Once called BBS (Bony Butt Syndrome), it has recently been given the more picturesque designation of "Assorexia." The juvenile version is called "Bunorexia." This malady prevents a person from gaining weight in their posterior, regardless of their overall size and fitness level. Oh, I know that many of you are saying, "Pffft! I'll take it!" Sounds great to have a small bum, eh? Just try sitting on the danged thing. Even cushioned chairs feel like granite boulders, and picnic benches become jagged ledges with razor-sharp spikes. And don't even get me started on trying to sit on the ground!
__________________________________
This word is not in the dictionary, but I think it's a good one and should be added as soon as possible:
Procreastination {pro-kree-ass-ti-nay-shun} - the practice of putting off pregnancy and childbearing for a more opportune time.
__________________________________
Endangered Ugandan gorillas join Facebook, MySpace
Sept. 27, 2009 02:57 PM
Associated Press
For a minimum donation of $1, fans can befriend a gorilla on Facebook or MySpace or follow it on Twitter. The money will be used to hire extra rangers to protect the gorillas and safeguard their habitat.
Sounds like a pretty good idea. However, their lesser-known relatives, the Nigerian gorillas, remain content to run e-mail scams aimed at defrauding Americans out of millions of bananas.
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