New Year's Resolution Trial Run

I am thinking about making my first New Year's Resolution in many a year. In an attempt to make my outlook on life more positive, and less cynical, I'm considering altering my speaking habits to put an end to negative statements. For instance, why say, "Don't count your chickens before they hatch," when it serves just as well to say, "Wait until those chickens hatch before you count them."?

With that in mind, I've attempted to rephrase a few old sayings, to make them positive, affirming statements instead of negative warnings. I'd like all six of my faithful readers, if you're still there after these many weeks of silence, to let me know what you think. It's kind of like those quizzes you used to find on the back of cereal boxes. I even thought about putting the answers upside down at the bottom of the page. I got a real laugh thinking about everyone turning their computer monitors upside-down to read them. Then I realized how hard it would be for me to turn my monitor upside-down to type them...

Anyway, do these restated homilies make sense? Can you tell what I'm trying to say? Is anything lost in the translation?

You can have your cake as long as you eat someone else's.

When you come up with a new trick, you get to buy a new dog.

Cry over your milk while it's still in the glass. Laugh at it when you dump it all over the floor.

Give away all your wooden nickels.

You can squeeze turnip juice from a turnip.

You can make bricks as long as you have all the ingredients.

A leopard can change his direction.

You have a choice - chickens or omelets.  (OK - this is a mix of two pithy sayings.)

You can make a silk purse out of silkworm byproducts.

Dead horses are the best.

Nature loves brooms and mops.

Fried News Day

Well, it appears that Jesus has been pretty busy in recent weeks:

Man says image of Jesus appears on truck window
Nov. 4, 2009 01:28 PM
Associated Press

JOHNSON CITY, Tenn. – Jim Stevens, of Jonesborough, said nearly every morning, an image that looks to him like the face of Jesus Christ has appeared in the condensation on the driver's side window of his Isuzu truck.
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Woman sees image of Jesus on iron
Nov. 27, 2009 12:15 PM
Associated Press

METHUEN, Mass. - Mary Jo Coady first noticed the image Sunday when she walked into her daughter's room.  She says an image of Jesus Christ she sees on her iron has reassured her that "life is going to be good."  She and her two college-age daughters agree that the image looks like Jesus and is proof that "he's listening."
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Disruptive Jesus Christ removed from jury pool
Dec. 2, 2009 11:21 AM
Associated Press

BIRMINGHAM, Ala. – Court officials say a Birmingham woman who changed her name to Jesus Christ didn't live up to it when she reported for jury duty this week. The woman, previously named Dorothy Lola Killingworth, was sent to Judge Clyde Jones's courtroom for a criminal case Monday. Court officials told The Birmingham News Tuesday that the 59-year-old was excused because she was disruptive and kept asking questions instead of answering them.

Efforts to reach Christ for comment were unsuccessful.


Obviously they didn't try the iron...